Food & Drink

10 Mad Wedding Cakes – Are you sure?

Some scary wedding cakes here – always puts me in the mind of – well – what did they discuss during their preparations or was the bride having a drunken chat with her bridesmaids or did she just say to her cake baking friend “come up with something mmm, different”.

In my humble opinion, the best part of the wedding is the cake. Some like chocolate, some like vanilla, and some like random fruit fillings (I won’t be attending those weddings.) Every aspect of a wedding is personalized for the bride and groom, and a cake is no different. That being said, these 14 ridiculous cakes will make you wish you had checked the “decline with regret” box on the invitation.

1. This killer cake:

Maybe this cake represents the stress a bride is under while planning a wedding, but I think it’s safe to say that you shouldn’t marry someone that’s been contemplating murdering you since you ordered your cake.

2. This donut cake:

The classiest thing about this “cake” is that it’s served on modern square plates. I have to assume that either two cops are getting married or that the newlyweds plan on starting their exciting new life with diabetes.

3. This doppelgänger dessert:

This cake is an exact replica of the bride, standing a full five-feet tall and a massive 400 pounds, this bride clearly did not want anything taking the attention off her during her wedding. The couple originally planned to have a replica of the groom, too, but sadly the bakery ran out of time. Tough break.

5. This uncomfortable confection:

This cake is guaranteed to make every guest at the reception super uncomfortable. Not only is it wildly inappropriate, but it’s also very poorly done. Hell, if I have to see the bride and groom naked, they might as well actually look like humans.

6. This deadly dessert:

Unlike the nudist on the cake before, I have the opposite concern for this one: it’s too realistic. Honestly, if I was the first person to see the cake, I would think an axeman got into the reception. This brings new definition to “Red Wedding.”

7. This uncooked confection:

Aside from the high risk of getting E. Coli from this strange choice, I can’t think of a single person that would want to cut in to a cake made of raw fish, avocado, spinach, and edamame, regardless of whether or not it was properly refrigerated. Also — what’s with the ducks?

8. This plant-filled fare:

I don’t really think that this was what Al Gore meant by “going green.” Aside from having a living water plant in the cake, it looks relatively normal. My one question is: where are the fishies?

9. This fishy final course:

I guess this cake is marginally better than the sushi cake, but it’s still weird to think that the bride (will a three-tiered veil no less) and groom chose to sit their topper atop hundreds of sugary coy fish. I hope it smells better than it looks.

10. This burger “cake:”

Now I am all for being true to yourself when it comes to planning your wedding, but you should keep your party in mind when it comes to the food. I am pretty sure no one but this overly excited groom is looking forward to digging into that giant burger.